Birdsong says a happy 2009, to all you readers of the weird criminal law stories. These stories are so popular a few of my students are finding their own weird criminal law stories and sending them to me to put on the blog. Most of these were sent in by 1L student Alexandra Kardon. Thanks Ms. M.
Texas-Mexico Border: Dirty diapers anyone? U.S. Customs inspectors on the border discovered several links of spicy chorizo sausage hidden inside some chunky diapers whose owner, a 21 year old woman, said they were merely soiled. You can’t do this! Taking certain agricultural products – including sausages – across the U.S. border is illegal. The woman was fined $300.
Wonder what the chunky diapers smelled like? Phew….
Hailey, ID: Police say a woman battered a security guard, took off her clothes, punched two officers and bit a deputy. Now, Lori Brutsche-Ely, 41, faces several charges. Hailey Police Chief Jeff Gunther stated that the woman was intoxicated Halloween night at the Chester Jakes Restaurant in the Mint Bar when she got out of control. The Idaho Mountain Express newspaper reported that once she got to the jail, Brutsche-Ely bit a deputy and also managed to set off a fire sprinkler, causing her jail cell to flood. She has been charged with four counts of battery, obstructing and resisting arrest and indecent exposure.
What a hell cat! She’s lucky they did not also charge her with “felony flooding.”
Jensen Beach, FL: Jonathan Ricci, a Florida man, was arrested one recent Sunday morning after he allegedly tried to steal “a handful of communion wafers” from a priest at a Catholic church in Jensen Beach. During a 9 am mass, Ricci accepted a wafer in the Communion line, but walked away without taking it in his mouth. After a priest’s requests for him to accept the wafer, Ricci turned to the priest and grabbed a handful of wafers from the plate and attempted to leave St. Martin de Porres Church. Due to the religious significance of the Holy Communion, a number of parishioners were upset at his callous treatment of their holy ritual and sought to detain him. An enraged Ricci then began to fight with two parishioners aged 82 and 66, respectively. They sustained minor injuries. Ricci was charged with theft, battery, and disrupting a religious assembly.
Seems nothing is sacred any more…..shame.….shame…shame.
Michigan: Chicken as a deadly weapon? Frederick McKaney got into a fight with his mother and stabbed her with a fork. When a neighbor tried to help the mother McKaney hurled 10 pounds of frozen chicken at the neighbor. The poultry left the neighbor woman with a wound that required five surgical staples to close. McKaney pleaded guilty to felonious assault and faces four years in prison.
We might say the chicken flew the coop. Do they serve chicken in prison? Bet he will choke on it.