Birdsong continues to troll the wire services for more of those weird criminal law stories that you love reading. Dig these:
Pittsburgh, PA: it can be said that these two entrepreneurs were not a bunch of whizzes — or were they? The two pleaded guilty in federal court for selling a device called a “Whizzinator” that helped cheaters pass drug tests. The device was a prosthetic penis, in various skin colors that came with a heating element and fake urine. NFL running back Onterrio Smith in 2005 was caught with one of the devices at an airport security screening.
Bet getting caught “pissed him off.”
Framingham, MA: police in a Massachusetts city are scratching their heads after repeatedly finding chunks of butcher-quality meat lying around the town square. Framingham police Lt. Paul Shastany says it’s possible someone may be trying to poison animals so they have sent the meat in for testing. “I’ve heard of people dropping off mystery messages and all kinds of weird stuff, but I’ve never heard of dropping off meat,” said Framingham college student Julie Reed.
Sort of like the old college “mystery meat.”
Florida: A 13-year old boy was arrested in Florida for “continually disrupting his classroom environment” by passing gas and turning off computers while they were in use. The teen confessed and has been charged with disruption of school function.
Sounds like a stupid charge.
Auckland, New Zealand: A thief in this country was caught on camera stealing expensive equipment from a billboard company — which plastered his image on numerous of its giant signs. He was photographed by a suspicious onlooker as he uncoupled 15 electrical transformers used for lighting a billboard in Auckland.
This little light of mine…I’m gonna’ let it shine!
Ohio: This fellow picked the wrong species to mess with. An Ohio K-9 cop chased down and bit a suspect wanted on dog-fighting charges. As the man ran, the police pooch grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him to the ground, where two-legged officers finished making the arrest.
Des Moines, IA: What’s she smoking? The first lady of Iowa has admitted she violated a state ban on smoking just months after her husband signed it into law. The law bans smoking in the workplace, including company cars. Governor Chet Culver’s wife admitted she smoked in a state vehicle a few months ago. It is unclear whether she will be fined.
She should get 50 lashes with a wet noodle.